


the pain that you feel

by thechickandtheduck



Series: The adventures of Jemma Simmons and Lance Hunter [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, after midseason finale, and some huntingbird, i need this brotp to happen, jemma simmons and lance hunter become friends, mentions of trip - Freeform, some fitzsimmons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 02:39:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3471284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thechickandtheduck/pseuds/thechickandtheduck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One sleepless night, Jemma Simmons and Lance Hunter find out they have more in common than they would have expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the pain that you feel

It was nearly three in the morning when Hunter made his way to the small kitchen area. Things hadn’t been easy around the base lately and he was having problems getting sleep at night. He supposed they all did, so he wasn’t surprised when he found Jemma Simmons sitting in one of the chairs, tapping the fingers of her left hand on the table while nursing a glass of whiskey in her right one. He hadn’t spent a lot of time alone with Simmons, but he ventured into the kitchen anyway.

“I didn’t think you were much of a bourbon girl”, his voice startled her, but she didn’t move from her position.

“I didn’t used to be.”

“Oh, well then”, he said as he poured himself some into a glass. “Here’s to all the crap that has made us bourbon people”. He raised his glass for them to toast and they did, although Jemma didn’t look up at him.

“Cheers.”  Her tone was somehow somber and it occurred to Hunter that he’d never really heard her sound like that. He thought for a moment that maybe it was best to just leave her to her thoughts, but he wasn’t looking forward to going back to his bunk, or his own thoughts, for that matter. So instead, he sat next to her and took a sip from his drink.

“So, you can’t sleep?”

This time she did look up at him. Hunter could tell she was tired. “I haven’t been sleeping much lately. Too much in my head”.

“Yeah, me too.”

The sound of Jemma scoffing made Hunter snap his head towards her direction. “Hey, I resent that!”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to imply you weren’t capable of worrying about all the different things that are constantly threatening us. It’s just that you don’t strike me as much of a thinker. And that is not to say that…”

“Oh, I get it, now shut it Tiny.”

“Tiny? That’s not even remotely accurate.”

“You are like the smallest SHIELD agent in the history of SHIELD”.

“Right, because you are so big yourself. Everytime you are around Bobbie you look like a little boy trying to get attention from his favorite teacher”

Jemma looked at him then, and Hunter could tell she was worried she had stepped over the line. But when their eyes met, he let a small chuckle out and she gave him a tiny smile.

“Maybe Meanie would be more appropriated then.” She half shrugged and Hunter poured more whisky into their empty glasses. They sat there, drinking in silence for a while.

“So, I feel like we never really got to know each other all that well. What part of England are you from?”

“What are you doing?”

“I just told you. You know, you are supposed to be the smart one.”

“Well, I appreciate your intentions, but I don’t feel too much like doing small talk.”

“You are also supposed to be the nice one.”

“Well I am a little tired of all the things that I am supposed to be.”

“Ah, I touched a nerve there.”

Simmons sighed and shook her head and looked back at Hunter with her tired eyes. “Hunter, I am sorry. I don’t mean to be so, I don’t know what. You were trying to be nice. I just don’t feel like doing this.”

“Hey, look, it’s okay. We are both here, in the middle of the night, drinking. We are obviously not okay. And I have been known for being a bit of a pain in the ass”, he paused, offering Jemma a smile, which she returned, “and it is not my intention to upset you, but, I just think we may have more in common than what appears so. Not only because we are both from England or extremely quick thinkers. Like, for example, I know what is like feeling like you have to meet everyone’s expectations of you. And I know what is like being angry all the time and trying to keep it down, because you think that’s what is best for everyone. I just, can tell these things about people, I can recognize anger and guilt, because I have been there. Still am.”

Jemma was looking at him with a expression that showed she was both annoyed and surprised. She looked at him for a few seconds before she spoke again. “I am not angry all the time.”

“Okay. But you are angry some of the time. And you try to hide it, I can tell. And I get it. I get that you feel like you don’t deserve to be angry or that you need to stay strong for everyone else. I really do get it. But it is not healthy.”

Hunter waited for her to speak again and poured more whisky into their glasses. When she did, her voice was soft and she sounded sad.

“I know. It is the only thing I can do right know to deal with everything else that is going on. It is not healthy, but it works. And if I just could hold it together for a little bit longer, maybe I can fix some of the things that need to be fixed.” She drank from her glass then and put the back of her hand to her forehead. “I don’t know what else to do. I need to help Skye, but I don’t know how. And Coulson needs answers right now. But I don’t know how.”

“Hey, we all want to help Skye. She is going through some terrifying shit. That’s not on you, Simmons. And Coulson always wants answers. That’s his job. We are all in a crappy place right know.”

“Yeah, but I am supposed to be the smart one, you said so yourself. I need to fix this for her. I have to.”

“I know you feel that you have to, and I know that you will. But you need to give yourself some room to breathe. A sleep deprived, hangover Jemma Simmons is no solution for anything.”

“Why do you even care?”

“We are a team. If we don’t look out for each other, who will?”

They stayed in silence after that. Hunter hadn’t intended for his sleepless night to become a cathartic experiment with this girl he barely knew, but now he was there and it felt right. He hadn’t been lying when he had said he felt like they had things in common. Hunter could see the weight she carried from miles away and while he hadn’t always been successful in his attempts to deal with his own problems, he truly believed he should at least try to ease some of the pain this girl was feeling, a pain that was familiar to him. Losing people and feeling guilty for the mere fact of being alive, the idea that you didn’t deserve to complain at all because everyone was so much more messed up than you. He had felt it all, and he could recognize it on her. When Jemma next spoke, he was startled by the sound of her voice, strained and sad.

“It’s not like I am actively trying not to sleep. I just can’t close my eyes without…” she paused then, and took another sip of her drink. “Nightmares. They are mostly about Trip lately. Used to be about drowning. They still are, sometimes, but mostly Trip.”

At the mention of Trip’s name, Hunter straightened in his seat. “Yeah, that was just, I don’t know. I guess we are still trying to deal with that. But I guess there’s not much time for that around here.”

“No, there’s not”. They fell into silence once again, Jemma looking into space, her index finger tapping into the table and Hunter playing with his glass. He was the one to break the silence this time.

 “Were you and Trip close?”

“I guess we were, yeah.”

“Close like, you know, _close_?”

Jemma looked up at Hunter, her eyes searching his face, confused. “You mean…?”

“Yep.”

She paused for a second, and her face showed some traces of guilt, but mostly, it was just sad.

“No, not like that. Maybe in another life.”

“What happened?”

“Fitz.”

Hunter waited for Jemma to continue, but she seemed to be done talking. “Well, that’s it? You are just going to leave me hanging like that?”

Jemma smiled at him sadly. “I don’t know what else you want me to say.”

“Oh come on Doctor Simmons, yes, you do.”

She sighed. “It was never like that with Fitz for me before. But, in a way, after what happened with Ward, nothing else really mattered. I needed him to get better. That’s why I left for Hydra. I knew I was hurting him, that me being around was preventing him from getting better, and I did what I had to do to make it right for him. Even if it killed me. Even if it still does, every day. So, whatever attraction I might have felt for Trip, none of that came close to how I felt for Fitz. Even if it wasn’t romantic. Everything else just seemed juvenile, like something you can see happening but just doesn’t make sense in real life. And Trip was a fantastic man, but, Fitz was and still is the most important person in my life.”

Hunter felt sadness in the pit of his stomach. He saw them sometimes, Fitz and Simmons. If he hadn’t been told, he would have never guessed those two used to be so close. They were all polite greetings and awkward conversations. He run a hand through his hair. Then something made him look at Jemma with a weird sort of smile.

“Hey, you said _before_. You said that it didn’t used to be like that before. You mean it is now?”

Jemma closed her eyes heavily and shook her head. “I don’t know. It is very confusing for me. Fitz used to be in this little box in my head, the one that said _best friend_ and _lab partner_. And that was easy, that made sense. There wasn’t even a tiny bit of curiosity about what else he could be. And now I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel.”

“That is the worst feeling.”

“I know. Sometimes I just walk into the lab and I just, I just want my best friend there. Complaining about my bad lab habits and learning new things with me. And that is what I want. What we used to have. Exactly how it used to be. But, lately, there are other times where, I just...” she looked uneasy now, “just, leave it.”

“What? No, come on, just tell me. I have proven to be a good and non-judgmental listener. Come on.”

She looked at him for a moment, and Hunter tried to look as innocent as he could.

“Please.”

“Okay. But, you cannot discuss this with anyone, because this is the first time I am going to say this out loud. And I don’t even know what it means.”

“Scout promise.”

Jemma nodded and looked down at her glass. “Sometimes, I would walk by the garage, and see him working on something, and the way his hands move, sometimes struggling and other times just like they used to, and he is just there and I just, I just want _him”._ She looked at Hunter for a brief second, hoping he would get what she meant. Hunter could see her cheeks were red and was ready to comment on it, but she kept talking. “And that, well, that never used to happen before. So, I don’t know. Maybe it’s nothing. It just doesn’t feel like nothing.”

She looked back up at him and saw him smiling. She waited for him to say something, but he just kept smiling. “Stop that.”

“Not doing anything, Lusty.”

“You are the worst, Lance Hunter.”

“No argument on that, dear.”

They smiled at each other for a moment and then Hunter was putting away the bottle of whisky while Jemma washed the glasses. They started walking together towards their bunks.

“You know Simmons, I know tonight you are not gonna get any more sleep than you did last night, and all the things that are making you so stressed out will still be there in the morning, but, if you want, I can help you with some of that anger. We could throw some punches at the gym, it always makes me feel a little bit better.”

“I am not great at punching.”

“I can teach you. Although, according to Bobbie, I don’t excel at that.”

“Okay. I am sure you are not that terrible.”

They reached his bunk first. Hunter was halfway through the door when Jemma called him. “Hey, Hunter. Bobbie loves you, you know that, right?”

“Bobbie and I, that‘s complicated. But that’s okay I guess.”

“She is lucky to have you. You _are_ a surprisingly good listener”

“Yeah, I do know that” he said with a smug expression in his face. “See you tomorrow, Perv!”

“Oh, shut up!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> I really want Jemma and Hunter to have more interactions. I have some other pieces worked out, with more fitzsimmons and huntingbird, but we shall see how this works out. Thanks for reading!


End file.
